The Pilgrims Progress.

The Pilgrims progress.

No..this isn’t a review of John Bunyan’s classic book, nor is it a reference to a John Wayne B-grade Hollywood cowboy flick, as in; “John Wayne famously said, “Whoa, take ‘er easy there, Pilgrim” in the 1962 film The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.” (thank you Wiki’)…No, this is about you and me and our journey through the country of ageing.

Recently, I had my second cataract removal operation, that makes both eyes fixed..a relief from that common, old age affliction. Many of my acquaintances of a similar age (I am now 74 yrs) suffer from or have been medically treated for a variety of major or minor health conditions so that they are inclined, along with yours T, to declaim that “Getting old sucks!”..and I am inclined to accept that this is the majority opinion of those “pilgrims” travelling this route. So I have decided to do an internal forensic discussion into this situation, concentrating NOT on the negatives, but rather looking at the positives of the ageing process.

First, we have to ask; What is the demarcation line one crosses to enter “old age”?..To myself, coming from a lifetime as a carpenter in the building industry, it came of a sudden after pension age retirement with doing a small extension on our current residence, when I still was of the opinion that I “had it in me” to do some heavy lifting of materials that resulted in a sudden sharp pain in my shoulder that was the tearing of a ligament that put me out of action for a month or so and allowed, in that forced restive period, the other muscles in my back to “catch up” to my shoulder’s aches and pain and set about battering me with a plethora of body complaints that had been years in the ignoring!…in short, I perceive old age comes upon us like that proverbial thief in the night promised by God to in one moment of regular exertion drop us down like the mythical “screaming bag of shit!” so as we have to reassure those around us that we will not do THAT again!

And of course there are those other more insidious bodily diseases just waiting for the flesh to get suitably aged so they can “jemmy open the door” to a series of terrible malignant complaints….th’ bastards!

So..let us put aside these damn negatives and concentrate on some nice positives of this consequence of living a long life.

The first positive of living this long life is to be in healthy possession of a long memory..Ahh!…yes, the long memory. This handy little possession gives us insight to so many situations, in the case of personal care or future needs, to take advantage of a situation arising BUT not yet obvious to many of the younger set around us, they not having the experience “under belt” to see the bleedin’ obvious!…or conversely, to studiously avoid a problem arising that woeful experience tells us to steer clear of!..For instance, recently, my son asked me if I wanted to come along with himself and a mate to go out to sea in his “tinny” (Aluminium dinghy) to do some fishing off the coast. Immediately, memory kicks in and I go through in rapid recall of the problems beset with such an action in this time of my life..for example..: getting up early…no thanks!…Assisting with getting fishing gear ready; bait to get, fishing rods to sort, fishing reels and line AND hooks etc to sort..no thanks..then the biggie…getting the boat to the boat-ramp and launching it…getting wet, nay,,,soaked in salty sea water, riding over rough water in a bouncing, light boat like a cork, being bumped and no doubt bruised on the tender skin and all the bloody rest of it for…maybe…a couple of skanky fish that you can’t be bothered gutting and cleaning when you can buy a half kilo of choice fillets down at the market this Friday…and to put up with the boorish mate giving you the shits with his youthful adventures with the gentler sex the night before…no way!…so it’s a : “Thnks, son, but I’m taking the wife to the seasonal orchid display down the botanical gardens tomorrow…but hey…appreciate you asking me…would be good otherwise!”….

And then there is the situation of Family.

These things vary considerably, so I cannot speak for all such, but for myself (I use as everyday example), I come from a mixed ethnicity of Italian, Irish, Cornish to a mother born and raised in rural Australia…So a mixed bag, but still all European. And I am one of six children to have two children of my own, but then in this declining age of dis-inclination of the younger generations to become enmeshed in what is perceived as troublesome relationships..to have but one grandchild and the prospect of no other…a sad conclusion, I believe, to a extensive line of hard work and dedication by past generations…but there you go, such is this modern age that I can consider myself certainly not alone in that department, as many friends suffer from the dearth of grandchildren likewise, and if I can make a wry observation based solely on my own cynical observations of so many “Gay” celebrity couples “having children”, that it appears THAT sexually diverse grouping is reproducing more that the heterosexual people…and THAT can be considered, alongside of virgin birth as a new “Wonder of the Modern World”!

But back to positives…

My mother when she was aged advised me about young children..: “Keep your mouth shut and your purse open”…and I cannot honestly improve on that brief homily. But it is a very nice feeling to see one’s offspring growing up healthy and competent in their work and life…and in times of stress, to be there if and when they need you to confirm what they thought they already knew, with or without any advice from you…good on ‘em! I am all for the maxim of :”There…that is the world of living and enjoying life…GO GET IT!” and letting them leave the nest with confidence, if indeed a degree of arrogance..a little arrogance can go a long way with helping the young confront the bullying confrontation of life in this day and age.

But the biggest complaint that confronts one as we hit the seventies on the pilgrim’s road toward the eighties, is the mirror. The mirror tell its tale without fear and certainly at that age, without favour. One day, with utter surprise, one looks up from washing the face to be confronted with an image in the mirror that has in the space of moments gone from benign pleasantness to the horrific realisation that one has gotten old!…the shock can be overwhelming…but there it is, the mirror doesn’t lie and if one held any vestige of confidence that they were holding their youthful good looks into their older years, that sudden shock can be a blow most decisive..and no amount of hairdresser manipulation, nor subversive cosmetic touch-up can alleviate the confidence that is flagging along with the flesh..neither tattoos, man-bun nor stringy ponytail, where on the aged male, the hairline on the forehead recedes, but the ponytail gets longer..can stop the inevitable, so it is better we submit in a healthy admission to fading physical beauty and dress and couture accordingly and move to strengthening that inner beauty that is inherent in every person born to this world, good, bad or indifferent, there is some good in everybody..I won’t hear otherwise.

The same with the hunger for love in our old age..for even after a long joined relationship with the one companion, the immediacy of love wanes somewhat to be replaced with a relationship not (thankfully) of unbridled passion, but rather of familiar companionship of mutual satisfaction and affection. But this does not mean that one abandons the hunger for the passionate embrace that one still remembers from one’s youth..The waiting to meet, the desire in the eyes, the fierce kisses and tight embraces to the making of passionate love in the most unlikely of places..all with sometimes an inherent danger of discovery…ah!…did we indeed do that?…was it so?..the memory refuses to accurately clarify nor dismiss…but they remain.

In old age, we can recall such desires with neither need for accuracy or actual physical contact. Lived experience in many cases can fulfill the need for actual contact to once again live the experience of love fulfilled. Every step of the way to living a relationship is in our memory, so we can traverse the process from meet to bed with the slow-motion recall of imagined deed. Not necessarily with salacious intent, but rather with delightful thoughts and patient resolve..plus with sensuous desire of the person you like…;

“Somewhere between the soul and the divine,

Between that love you seek and the love you find,”

Lays a place of absolute beauty, concealed and undefined. . . “

Indeed it does..if we allow it.

So in conclusion to this study into the positives of aging, one has to conclude, if asked; Would you like to be young again?…I for one would confidently reply; “No thanks, having survived one lifetime, I don’t think I could manage to survive another!…I’ll take this one as it stands now, thanking you.”