I now identify as a Neanderthal Man.

A Trans-Gene decision.

I’ve decided that I am from this day forward identify myself as a Neanderthal Man…if a bloke can identify himself as a woman without any of the accoutrements of a woman, and a woman can say she is a man for the same reasons, then I can identify myself as Neanderthal.

Why? You may ask even though it is not your business nor right to ask…it is because I have had a gutfull of frikken’ Cro-Magnon and Sapien Man pushing, pushing, pushing to get up early, aspire, aspire, aspire to get things done, to “succeed” to accumulate material possessions etc, etc., when it is so much more comfortable and productive to the psyche to lay in bed and dream of ..of..dreamy things…and when I get hungry, I can knock a bit of flint to Make a fish-hook and go catch a cod or something and cook it over a slow fire while the good wife knocks up a watercress salad or something.

What’s with all this “aspirational goals” I hear those dumb Sapien suckers talk about…and there is silly Cro-Magnon just nodding his woolly head in dumb agreeance..can’t he go back to scribbling on the walls of the cave or something and leave the rest of us alone?

Nah!…bugger it…I’m throwing my lot in with the Neanderthals…they had it right…a bit of a stroll in mother nature’s park…talk to the animals, perhaps a swim in the afternoon and NO Friggin’ inventing of the wheelbarrow!

So myself; “Url” and the good wife “Ursula” and the kids ; “U”, “R” and “Ell”, are leaving you to flounder around in your swill of non-relavence while WE go to the seaside to check out the sunsets..Goodbye!

Six months later….

Uh oh…I can see trouble brewing in Neanderthal paradise…The good wife stood above me as I lay sleeping next to the warm fire and woke me up saying : “I’m a wake up to you!”

“Yeah, and now I’m also awake to see you” I testily replied..”What do you want, I was asleep?”

“ I want you to get up and do something constructive” she barked.

“I was” I complained “I was sleeping…there’ nothing more constructive in Gaia’s Earth than sleeping…it lets everything relax and get about its business”.

But I knew what was coming..she’s been listening to those bloody Sapien wives again rattling on about their “lovely new hut”…just because that lump of a husband of theirs has lugged a few stones from the river to make a wall or two…nothing clever in that!

But I know those Sapiens…they overthink things…Like the other week I was sitting near the fire next to one and he was making lines in the sand with a stick…he had drawn a square like we use for when we have our community meets and he then drew a line from one corner diagonally across to its opposite corner’

“What’s that?” I asked.

“It’s a try and go…that’s what I call the two new spaces in the square.”

“A try and gl..what!?..what’s that in plain Gondwalese?…I know, that’s a cut square.” I mocked. “That’s nothing new…we always draw a square when we have meets..four sides, for the four elements ; Earth, Air, Fire and Water.”

“Yes , yes” he said and I could see he was all excited about something “Yes, but look! If I then draw a square off the diagonal between the corners and also draw squares off the other two sides…” and he did so “..can you see?”

“See what..one big square and a couple of smaller squares?”

Yes!…a couple of smaller squares..” and he then circled swiftly and excitedly the larger square…” but the total..which I like to call; the sum..the sum..of those two smaller squares look like they only are the same as the one big square in size!”

“Sum?” I queried.

“Sum” he replied.

“Sum?” I had to confirm.

“Yes..sum..A new word I invented..it means “added up”……I thought it best here to let that one slide and went back to his earlier premise.

“And?” I puzzled where this was going.

“That proves what I have been thinking about these last two years…err I go..: The total of the square on the diagonal…which I call the “high pot we use” after the square pots we cook in…is equal to the total of the squares on the othe two sides!” and he finished with a stab of his drawing stick into the centre of the square and threw his arms up above his head in triumph….I ask you; have you ever heard anything more useIess..I just looked at the drawing, then at him pulled a face and said..

“I’m going to catch a couple of possums for dinner.”

I tell you..those Sap’s overthink things too much..and now they got my wife prodding me to “make things!…any things!”….and she, along with other Neanderthal wives are saying they are a wake-up to us blokes…so we called them “Wakes”…

Another couple of months later.

The good wife sprung one on me the other day..I’m certain she got it from the Saps..: “I can see we’re going to have to sievealise you blokes!”….whatever THAT means…squeezing us through some loose-weave cloth I suppose?…Anyway, it was time to call a moot…so myself, Clot, Ian, Tom and Roger (Ro decided to use the lengthening of his real name; “Ro” to make him sound more glamorous to the Sapien ladies)…grabbed our wombat leg bones and sat down to “chew the bone”..

“Why do we call it ; “chewing the bone” when we are really chewing the fat off the bone?” Roger asked…see..I told you..

“Because that’s what we have always called it…what do you want to do, change the language?…next thing you’ll want to change the culture!”…..This was the trouble with mixing near the Sapiens..THEY thought they were so much better than the rest of us humans…and now they are influencing our traditions and beliefs..

Like just last week I was strolling to the lake to take a well-earned dip, when I see one of the more glamorous Sap’ ladies wrestling with the slab of a door she has to their round hut…”if you can’t handle the door don’t build some more”..I say…anyway, myself, always the gentleman offers to help the lady…so I wrench that lump of a door open and she simpers at me saying ..

“Thank you ever so much, my good man.” …geez!..don’t they bung on side..

“Well…that’s alright..I suppose my hands are a bit more rough than yours”.

“Mmm” she purrs, stroking my biceps, which were a tad sweaty, hence the swim “I don’t mind a bit o’ rough….a bit o’ rogering..”

“ROGER!” I called out “The lady here needs your assistance..” though I doubt HE will be much help to her, he’s a lazy sort of chap.

So we called a moot to sus out what we could do to address the Wake situation.

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