A Miscellaneous Act.

Mother and Child, 1865 by Frederic Leighton.

A Play of one act, one scene.

Characters..: Annette. Aged ; mid-sixties, wavy, brown hair, dressed conservatively middle-class. Soft, clear voice showing a determined disposition..certain in both her choice of words and movements.

Scene : Annette sits on the edge of a lounge chair, leaning over a coffee table. She is in the process of writing in a greeting card on the table..she pauses in the action and lifts the card near to her to read what she has written on the card.

Annette : “ Happy fortieth birthday, my dearest Pauline..and congratulations on your recent promotion, I’m certain the ward will now run more efficiently with you in charge…( She pauses and thinks for a moment before replacing the card on the table to continue writing, she then reads the rest of the card)..I’m sure your father will be looking down from above so very proud of you…Have a very nice birthday…your loving Mother, Annette.”

(She closes the card and slips it into an envelope, placing it in a rack of a letter holder on a nearby desk. She pauses before letting go of the letter, then turns and addresses the audience in a confiding manner…ie; not straight on, but with head turned to one side.)

Ann ; “ I suppose you could say I am being rather disingenuous when I refer to my children’s father as their father…when all the time such is far from the truth..and there are those who would say that my children deserve to know who their true father is…but in truth, THAT I do not know myself, in that I never asked nor wanted to know his full name..for I only knew him as Jim…and his middle name..which I only became aware of at the end of our relationship.”

(Annette moves back to the chair and sits and pours herself a cup of tea..she goes through the rudiments of sugar and milk, poured from its individual small jug and picks a biscuit off a tray and places it upon the saucer of her cup of tea..the chimes of the spoon on the porcelain can clearly be heard).

“Those chimes sound like bells..funny, that recalls a poem I once knew..it was about an old saying..;”Nine tailors maketh a man…the bells of the church would be rung at the passing of a person in the village..three for a child, six for a woman and nine bells for a man..”

“It was two years after the birth of our first child…MY first child and not from my husband, but from James, who I made arrangements to meet via the miscellaneous column in the daily newspaper. I repeated the advertisement in that section of the paper in hope of reigniting the affair as I wanted another child.”

(Annette is now side on to the audience and not talking directly to them, but more to an invisible entity to the side of the stage..more confiding than confessing, as she feels no guilt in her actions.)

“When one wants something in this life, and it being no more than what is one’s right or is reasonable, and if it cannot be delivered by those near and dear, then a decision must be made, that is both confidential and discrete, to obtain that thing..you cannot rely upon nor have expectations that there are others that can fulfill those desires, you must act in accordance with your own capabilities…I wanted children and I knew my husband, through no fault of his own, could not give me them…and I hold no animosity against him for that other than admitting that he was unable to fulfill his end of the marriage bargain in that respect…in this matter, I had to take measures into my own hands.”

(She stands and moves to the desk and touches the envelope with the card.)

“Fortunately, Jim replied to my second advertisement and we made suitable arrangements to meet again..which we did, several times before I once again became aware I was once again pregnant with my second child..I therefore made an appointment to meet for one last time..It was an Autumn day, in early May, we had arranged to meet at Brighton. I clearly remember all aspects of that day, as I was both thrilled at the prospect of my being pregnant and very wary at the same time at informing Jim that his services will no longer be required.”

(Here, Annette may make certain movements upon the stage, perhaps picking up an ornament or two and giving them a clean or dust as she then pauses and continues the conversation).

“I remember the conductor coming down the aisle between the seats of the railway carriage…there were ticket conductors in those days and you had to present your ticket to have them checked..He was quietly calling; “Tickets, please..tickets please..” going from seat to seat checking and clicking the tickets.”

“I opened my purse and took out the pink ticket, I remember the date on it being “3 May 1951”..The porter examined the ticket, clicked it and remarked that “the sea is nice there at Brighton this time of year”…I didn’t reply, just nodded in agreement and he moved on down the aisle..asking..”tickets please”.

“When I replaced the ticket into my purse, I noticed an older ticket there, dated one month previous to the current day’s date…I admonished myself for being so carelessly neglectful as to leave the ticket in my purse..I screwed the old ticket up and dropped it onto the floor of the carriage…and I was about to close the purse when I saw the newspaper clipping I had cut from that day’s miscellaneous column..I know the wording by heart..”

“Letter OK, sweet..meet at B. first date mentioned in letter..If anything happens, ask for letter at B….Blue Eyes.”

“I closed the purse and turned to gaze out the window, but it was still filmy from the smoke grime outside from the steam engine of the train, so all I saw was my reflection…I saw myself as young, but not so young now woman, my hair wavy and still dark brown, we powdered our faces in those days and I wore a darker shade of lipstick…I remember thinking I had a furrow of concern on my brow and I looked a pinch wary..as I gazed at my reflection, I was turning, as was my habit then, the gold wedding band on my finger… I no longer wear it now, my husband having passed away..at some juncture I turned away, as I would rather not think about the complications of this arrangement”.

(It may be necessary here for the actor to impress the character of Annette upon the audience..Here is a determined woman, wanting a family, yet has had to resort to covert means to have one but without risking the breakup of her marriage and also having to avoid the accusation of acting in a dishonourable manner to get children..as is her right as a healthy woman.)

“ We had been trying for three years to have children, and still no change..I remember our family doctor of those days..Dr. Short saying “Young married couples do sometimes take a while to conceive..I’d give it some more time and just let nature take its course..perhaps a quiet evening or two at home with a favourite record on and a glass of sherry…or two..” and he gave me his “warming, confidence giving” smile…I just nodded in agreement and said that my husband prefers beer.”

“The discussions I had with my husband on the possibility of one of us being infertile were short and terse, and always ended with me being reassured that HIS side of the family never had such problems and…NO…he did not want to go to the doctor and get “interfered with” when he was certain the problem did not rest with him..and that was the end of it.”

(Annette goes to the letter rack, extracts an old letter and silently peruses its content before replacing it and choosing another to do likewise.)

“ We had Italian neighbours then and I discretely confided to the wife, Elvira, of my dilemma..She laughed and said ..; “Back home we had a saying that there are no infertile men in the village..and certo…if a woman could bear children, then there were children..because after a certain time passed, the parish priest was called upon to “do his duty to God’s handmaidens, and he hung his walking cane over the entrance doorknob to the house while he “administered the faith” to the lady of the house…and if the husband came home and saw the cane there, he would keep walking up to the bar, play a hand or two of briscola, take a whisky or two before making his way back home respectfully”.

“Of course, I dismissed such notions as typical of peasant women thinking..an outcome much too public and open to ridicule for a lady of Anglo descent…There were other ways than gross serviceability…discretion is the hallmark of civilised society..of a refined woman in today’s world.”

(Annette here pauses, picks up the teapot and teacup and goes offstage to return a few moments later with a fresh serve, she then proceeds to pour out a fresh cup of tea).

“I stepped onto the platform at the old Brighton Station…that has since been demolished, and made my way to the exit ramp..over the road there was a little corner store cum post office on the corner of “Old Beach Road” that led to the seashore. I remember gazing at the scene when Jim appeared coming out of the corner store…he stopped to take out and light up a cigarette with his personal lighter, as was our safe signal..I gave him a small, noting wave which he cautiously returned and I crossed the street and we walked, without touching, to the beach.”

“At the beach, Jim took a checkered, wool  blanket from his parked car and he spread it on the sand. I removed my gloves and shoes and made myself comfortable on the blanket.

“Nice to see you again” Jim said, he was a gentle man and he would tease and attend to my person by perhaps brushing away a fringe of hair on my forehead as he spoke. “This being the third time in as many months, will this be a regular thing?”

“I’m not sure, I replied..circumstances may prevent us meeting again.”

“What do you mean?”.. Jim asked and he sat back from being close to me…he cocked his eyebrow inquisitively…”

“I may be pregnant”…I spoke plainly to him as is my manner…He raised his eyebrows again and with wide-eyed anxiety asked..

“Heavens!…what are we to do?…I mean…I can’t…”

“No..It’s quite alright” I reassured him..”I wanted it to happen…I wanted the child..” Jim looked bewielded and a bit dazed.”

“That may be good for you…but I am already married with children…I thought this was a fling for both of us..I can’t manage another family!”..he said..again I had to touch his arm reassuringly..”

“No…I will not trouble you about the child..as you know, I too am married..my husband, as it now turns out…couldn’t father children…couldn’t give me a child..so I took the opportunity of our relationship to have one with you…now I wanted another child.”

“Another child!?” Jim stared and thought “ Then that time several years ago when we first met…? He didn’t finish what he was thinking.”

“Yes” I replied “He’s two now and beautiful…thank you.”

“Jim was thinking now and putting two and two together…it takes some men a while..”

“So that’s why you wanted a recent picture of me when we first met…so you could see if I was a close match to your husband?” he asked”

“Of course” I replied “It would not work otherwise..I mean how would it look if you were a flaming redhead, or a swarthy Mediterranean type…how stupid would that be?”

“And your husband doesn’t know?” Jim inquired.”

“Of course not..he thinks he’s shooting bullets not blanks…and I had to make a decision soon or it would start to come back on one or the other of us…after all..there are expectations in society…you know?”

“Yes” Jim considered “ the stigma of a barren woman or a man who only fires blanks…terrible”. Jim leant back against a rock on the breakwater and lit up another cigarette.

“It’s why I got back in touch with you in the paper”..I said.

“Yes, right “ Jim considered “ I was rather surprised..I presumed you’d forgot all about me…was delighted to read your request to meet again though..but you would risk your marriage for the sake of having children?..” I recall he blew a stream of smoke into the soft Autumn air.”

“He broke the contract” I blurted out, for I was still somewhat annoyed that I had to go through this subterfuge to have what is rightfully mine by nature and right..a woman’s right to bear a child..”..and he didn’t want to have tests done..he didn’t want to know if it was himself..no man does..so this way we both achieve our goals…even you” I smiled coquettishly at Jim…he smiled back..

“ I suppose so” he considered” And so we continue to meet..Blue eyes?”

“Why do you call me that..Blue Eyes?”

“You remember when we first communicated through the paper and I asked what you looked like for when we first meet?” Jim said.

“Oh yes..” I pulled my legs up and clasped them in my arms while I thought..” I didn’t know how to go about these things..it was only chance that I spotted that miscellaneous column in thes paper and I read several of those people…mostly men..lonely men looking for “lady companions”.

“Yes” Jim replied “It was a new thing for me too..I was lonely in the city, coming down every month from up North on business…a man can end up a drunk or worse when he has too much time on his hands…A mate in the same game as me put me onto it…it took some Dutch courage to kick it off though”..and he gave a laugh…You didn’t give much away” he confessed..”..but you did say you had blue eyes…and wavy hair” and he touched my hair gently “but you never did tell me your whole name.”

“And neither did you” I countered “and best it remain that way..for truly, if I am pregnant..and I do believe I am..we probably will not be meeting again..I don’t want any more children..two is enough.”

“Jim stubbed out his cigarette and said…”Yes, well..that may be for the best all around…it could get sticky if it gets out..for both of us…I wouldn’t want my wife to know..and our four kids are enough for me..”

“Oh” I remember I replied lazily “ She probably already does..or suspects at least..”

“Nah!” Jim said confidently “…she doesn’t have a clue..she’s miles away..up North..” and he stared out to sea.

“Oh..she’d know” I said.

“How?” Jim asked “would you tell her?”

“How could I..I don’t even know your real name…no, it’s you men..when you are satisfied in that way, you walk about like a prancing Tom-cat”..I said..

“Are we that easy to pick” Jim asked.”

“Of course” I teased “how would we women not know?…after all, it was US who invented sex…do you think Adam would have eaten the apple without Eve?”  and I threw my head back and laughed..”

“I’m beginning to worry about you “ Jim mocked “You’re dangerous..But what of today…here we are?” Jim grinned and looked to me affectionately..I recall I lowered my eyes and replied vampishly..”

“ I suppose it doesn’tt hurt to make certain of a job well done..” and I touched the side of his face affectionately.”

“Come” he said “ I have a car waiting for my lady..” and we gathered ourselves up and made for the stairs.”

“ I paused at the foot of the stairs while he offered his arm while I put on my shoes..I asked Jim..: “Can you give me your name?..not your first, your middle..and when the child is born, I can let you know in the miscellaneous column”.

“Jim smiled to me and said ; “Paul”…he held my hand and we walked to the car like any young couple.”

“Around ten months later, I placed a short sentence in the miscellaneous column of the daily newspaper..: “Package arrived safely..much joy…Pauline.”

“The following week on the usual day we would communicate, I read the confirming note in the column..”

“Sweet..letter OK…if ever needed, write again, Blue Eyes”.