A Quiet Little Corner of the World.

A quiet little corner of the world.

A play of one set, one act.

Characters :

Sam. Young, lanky man in his late twenties.

Andy. Young man in his late teens…assistant to Sam.

John. Middle aged man, manager of the funeral service.

Backhoe driver. Man in his mid thirties.

Opening scene: Flat curtain painted as a roller-door raises, there is painted on the door ; “Timothy and Sons, Funeral Directors.” Enter Sam and Andy on the chassis of a delivery van…it has been strategically cut away to reveal the two men and a coffin in the rear. It moves to the centre of the stage, stops and Sam and Andy alight. They make to open the back door and reach in to remove the coffin when a voice calls to them from off-stage.

John: “ Hold it!..Leave it in there.”

(Sam and Andy straighten up and turn to the voice..John strides onto the set.)

John : “Leave it there..you’re going straight out again, to the cemetery.”

(Lanky Sam drops his shoulders and slouches)

Sam : “Oh..right…tell me now!…you could’a got me on the mobile..I went right past Centennial on the way back here! “

John: “ He’s not going to Centennial..”( He hands Sam a sheath of paperwork, throws in two thick boards and some rope then reaches up to close the van doors..Sam steps to one side as he reads the papers).

Sam : “ Leighton Well!…That’s an hour away ..out in the sticks!”

John : “ That’s right…”

Sam : (Whines) “ Yeah..well….an’ I gotta drive the Cadillac this arvo for Mr Bannister’s funeral.”

John : “Right again!…So you better get a move on..(he pushes a finger gently but meaningfully into Sam’s chest…Sam raises his hands to plead ).

Sam : “But he’s only a Lossol..and there’s nothing but a cemetery at Leighton Well.”

John : “Three out of three!..so you guessed right..He’s going to be INTERRED at Leighton Well cemetery”.

Sam : “But they usually burn them when they got no rellies.”

John : “ Well this one has rellies now and they want him buried ASAP..so get a move on or you won’t be driving anything!…Both of you !”

Sam : (sighs deeply) “ C’mon, Andy..back on the road..( they both climb back into the cabin of the van and start the engine..Sam calls to the man)..couldn’t it wait until tomorrow, John?”

John : “ It could, but it won’t..The people want it done as soon as possible..the council’s tee’d up an’ I got the backhoe out there already, working on the grave…Just get him in the ground so I can bill the rellies this afternoon an’ it’s all over and done with…alright?” (John turns and moves offstage.)

(Stage darkens to re-light with the two men still in the cabin of the van..there is a slow moving background of Mallee to show they are travelling along..The men say nothing as Sam shows he is piqued and Andy fiddles with a sweets tube of menthol rounds.. finally, Andy breaks the silence).

Andy : “Alright…I’ll be the mug…What’s a “Lossol” (he makes inverted comma sign with his hands) and why do they burn them?”

(Sam turns a bored eye to Andy,..he sighs)

Sam : “ A Lost- Soul…lossol, get it…a lost soul..a dead weight..a ward of the State…derelict, a retarded person, a nobody, no kin, no nobody…alone in the world…in this case..(he jerks his head to the coffin in the back of the van)…Downs Syndrome.”

Andy : “ And they burn them?”

Sam : “ Costs less…much less..but I saw on the paper this one has a religion, or at least his kin have..don’t want a cremation?…I suppose a guilty conscience has its limits..next best thing..a cheap plot. And they don’t come any cheaper than Leighton Well…Tell you what, I’ve delivered enough anonymous folk to that cemetery to start a lost-souls social club!” (Sam giggles).

Andy : “ Poor bastard…”

Sam : “ Some are like that..more in the past than now you know..big family, well heeled, well respected in the district..then along comes a misprint so to speak..and , well they don’t want to know about it, eh?..like I said, not so much now, but this fellah is an old one..saw him on the slab last week…got run over on the road…I thought he was a ward of the state..rellies must’a got in touch with John.”

Andy : “But why so far out?..I mean, nobody knows what a body’s like when it’s underground..if it’s a cripple or a dwarf or..or..or anything..it’s just a plot of ground with a tombstone on it.”

Sam : “ The people who bury it know…the plots cost nothing out here..One thing you learn in this business, an’ that’s the family’s private opinion of those they bury…too much pomp and ceremony..too little..too cheap..too garish..you get to know the sincere ones just by their silences..their moods..their respect..”

(Sam changes back a gear and accelerates to overtake another vehicle).

Sam : “ Take Mr Bannister..big wheel in the district, big funeral, a whole heap of them coming down from town this afternoon.”

Andy : “ Hey..a joke..; “Bannisters coming down…banister of a stair…ha ha!…coming down..get it..huh huh?”

(Sam casts a wincing eye to Andy and makes a sardonic gesture with his face).

Andy : “ Say…What’s it like driving the Cadillac?”

Sam : “ (snorts) As smooth as a silk shroud slipped over polished mahogany..” ( Andy pouts his lips and nods his head in appreciation)

(Stage darkens to re-light with the van parked and a sign “Leighton Well Cemetery” in the background. A man slouched against the mock wheel of a mock backhoe greets them..)

Man : “ Thought you’d never get here…gotta get a move on, I got a septic tank to put in this arvo.”

(Sam goes to the grave site, gazes in then takes a tape measure from his pocket and measures the depth of the hole ).

Man : “ To the inch , eh?” (Sam turns a cynical eye to him in reply).

Sam : “ (To Andy) Get the boards and rope..” (once these were in place they go to get the coffin..they place it on the boards over the grave).

Man : “ Pretty plain coffin..” (Sam straightens and turns to him)

Sam : “No-one to impress out here..” (He gazes around).

Man : “ (moves to the side of the hole) Well, lets get it over and done with…you two take the ropes and I’ll remove the boards.” (he says impatiently).

(Sam and Andy straddle the hole and lower the coffin down..their faces showing the strain as they do so. The ropes are then removed and taken to the van with the boards..The driver of the backhoe climbs into the backhoe cabin and starts the engine..)

Man : “ Any last words now’s the time!” (Sam winces at him and slams the doors of the van shut.)

Sam : “ C’mon Andy..let’s go.”

(Andy pauses, looks into the grave and then to the backhoe then to Sam..)

Andy : ” Hang on, Sam..maybe we should say something?” (he looks anxiously into the grave as he speaks).

Sam : ” Say what!?”

Andy : ” I don’t know..something..I’m new to this game…I don’t know …you must know some words..it doesn’t seem right to just walk away.”

Sam : “ There’s no words to say ..is there? (Sam pinches the bridge of his nose) he was a Mongaloid, a nobody…people don’t speak TO Mongaloids, they speak AT them…no-one loved him..he’s better off..”

(The backhoe nudges some soil into the grave, Andy steps back, looks to Sam in a astonished way, then to the backhoe driver).

Andy : “ Hold it!…wait…Sam…geeze, not like this..I mean, well…God loved him…perhaps?”

(Sam turns angrily and winces)

Sam : “ What – are – you – fuckin’ – talking – about!?..(He approaches Andy angrily) ..the poor prick’s born retarded, rejected by his kinfolk, grows up in an institution, gets run over by a..a..fucking dump truck or something outside the sheltered workshop, is buried out here in the sticks like a sick kangaroo and you tell me God loves him!?..Get in the van! “ ( he jerks his thumb over his shoulder and strides away)

(Andy stays, lowers his head to gaze at the coffin and frowns..the backhoe driver makes a gesture with his hands and face..Andy straightens his shoulders and closes his eyes..Sam sounds the horn from the van..Andy looks out over the vision of the mallee and speaks to the air ).

Andy : “ Take the humans away and this would be a pretty tranquil sort of place..a quiet place.. (He joins his hands clumsily as if in prayer..then lets them drop to his side..) Dear God…nah..not God…but whoever has any say over this, have pity..on…on this person here..and ..and may he rest in peace in …in his own quiet little corner of the world.”

Stage darkens.